Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Wrong Side of the Statistic

If you know me, you know I can be a smart alec and like my humor. So while things can be serious, I still need to joke, but it doesn’t mean I’m discounting the seriousness of the situation.  It means I’m coping.

So in a statistic I’m considering, there are the odds of something occurring or not occurring – success and failures.  There always seems to be that pesky 1.  Somebody has to be that 1.  

Throughout the years, I felt I have (or we have) been on the good side of the statistic.  I tried to think of several examples, but I feel if I presented some of these I would jinx myself, so I’ll refrain.  But as an example, being on the good side of the statistic is approximately 1 of 3 test takers fail the Professional Engineering Exam the first time – I was not the 1.   

For some unknown reason (maybe parental exhaustion) we skipped the hoppin’ Johns and collards at New Year’s. Apparently they kept the 1 at bay all these years.  Not only good health and success, but collards and blacked eye pees keep you from being the not so fun statistic.  Not skydiving for us this year!

You can bet we will be eating extra heapings of hoppin’ Johns and collards next year, in fact, maybe we need a mid year New Year celebration.

So anyway, being the 1.  

A while back we decided to ensure we didn’t populate the earth with any more children.  We were happy with two, and two was always our plan.  We were ready for the next stage in our life, so we took extra steps to ensure we wouldn’t be able to reproduce…or so we thought.

TWO modes of failure (methods of prevention), one mode of success (ovulating at the correct time) – BAM: 1:20,000 (or 25,000 depending on the success you give ovulation)

ONE in TWENTY THOUSAND chances.  We were the ONE.

We were expecting for the third time…

Believe me, I needed to see these numbers while I commenced my freaking out.  I needed to understand the changes of this happening and accepting that this determined little blessing was meant to be.

Freaking out turned to excitement and love…

BUT then we were hit by the statistic again.

Depending on what site you read and age and other factors, you can have a different statistic, but it’s an ugly statistic no matter how you look at it. 1:4 or 1:5, it doesn’t matter, the right side is too high, how about 1:1,000,000. Yes please, but science says no.

From excitement and love to fear and panic…
The ugly word, miscarriage.

From panic to healing, but from healing to somethingisn’tright
Incomplete miscarriage, 1:50

So I went for a D&C, where I found out I needed a blood transfusion.  I’m not sure what those odds are, I’m done googling, but at least I didn’t become some other statistic in the days between miscarriage and the D&C/blood transfusion.  So my luck has had to change, right?!

From somethingisn’tright to recovery to finding peace

Now to plan my midyear New Year’s Eve celebration for June 30th.  Anyone up for fireworks, beer and hoppin’ johns with collards? Come on over, we’re shedding our 1 luck, but please don’t plan on staying up until midnight, I won’t make it.

Sharing is helping me find peace, so here I’ll share the different draft blogs I wrote and posts sharing more abut our experience:

The Third :

  • Big News! – What I wrote to share the surprising news.  My plan was to keep it a secret until we told my parents at Easter (11 weeks) and then share it on social media through my blog.
  • Following Big News! would be Surprised?.  Again, the plan was two, and I think people knew that it was two…I was quite vocal that I thought I could only handle two, especially with AJ’s job and being gone a lot on weekends.
  • 6 Weeks
  • 7 Weeks
  • 8 Weeks
Living in the Chaos

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